Do you ever lose it?
Let's talk about triggers. And a pivotal quality to develop as an effective leader: patience.
Yesterday, I took a break from my desk and yet another Zoom meeting to get out for a walk and a coffee at my local Tim's. Not only did the fresh air revitalize me, an experience waiting to order my coffee proved to be a valuable inspiration for today’s post.
Waiting in line, the person ahead of me pulled out a list of several drinks (what's a "4 and 4"?), breakfast meals, donuts and it went on and on - I think he was the new guy! This was going to take a while... Usually, I am a "medium with 2 milk" kinda guy and would be irritated by the extended wait, but instead, I chose to make space for my reaction. I wasn't really in a hurry.
In the moment before I started to freak out, I grabbed my phone to look up a quote...which tends to calm me down. I came across the very wise Viktor Frankl, the noted psychotherapist. He's famous for saying:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
The shorthand for this concept is called ‘making space’ or "catching yourself before you lose it". And that is the ability to roll with any situation and to remain calm.
Another person also much wiser and older than myself, the philosopher Epictetus, promoted the belief that we have no actual control over the world and much of our unhappiness in life is caused by thinking we can control things that we can’t.
We only control how we think about things and the judgements we make about things.
So, how can we make space (and not lose it)? The training comes in realizing that we can’t control everything. When something goes wrong, take a moment to reflect on the situation and don’t overreact. Control your own emotions. Use good judgement. Sip your coffee and relax.
As my lovely wife often reminds me, "It's not the line, it's just you".
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